Utopian Mongoose

I was just checking pages at the post-office, on the verge of posting them to my director. I now have a band name, if I ever form a band. It seems my spellchecker replaced the phrase "utopian monoglossia" with the less appropriate "utopian mongoose". I translate clumsily the passage, for today is apparently, how do you say, a "French-Brain" day:

The utopian mongoose of the poetic sincere - mythical "coincidence" of author and readers, etc. - is thus supplanted in this model by a refractary heteroglossia . . .

Ah, mongoose . . .

In Paris Tonight . . .

Poetry Reading
At Shakespeare and Company


Alexander Dickow & Nicholas Manning

37 rue de la Bûcherie 75005 Paris
Tél: 01 43 25 40 93

Monday, April 20th
7pm

Strike

Why Isn't Insect Collecting More Popular?

An insect collector calls for a new kind of insect collecting, and a new kind of insect collector.

I don't know about you, but I've found very few people seem to be familiar with insect collecting these days, and out of those who are familiar with it, even fewer seem to be fans. Nowadays, people will go to the movies or even just stay at home and watch the television, instead of going insect collecting.

Of course there was a time when insect collecting was immensely popular. For example, during eras of intense generalized suffering or social distress, the number of people who go insect collecting rises exponentially. People turn to insect collecting for comfort. During the second world war, for instance, there was more insect collecting equipment sold in one week than there is today in one year. Now, if you are ever at a party and happen to mention to somebody : "Oh, I'm into insect collecting" they look at you like you're from another century. Or mention a well-known entomologist like Vinceze Kollar or Tadeusz Jaczwecki and what do you get? Crinkled noses. Shuffling feet. Eyes focused on something in the upper right corner of the room. You know what I'm talking about!

Is insect collecting a hard sell? If you look at how entomologists support themselves today, you'll see a lot of professors. You might see the occasional journalist-entomologist, or schoolteacher-entomologist, and maybe the odd banker-entomologist or lawyer-entomologist. The circumstantial evidence speaks for itself. Most insect collectors don't make enough from insect collecting to buy pins, let alone food. Most insect collectors need a day job.

Why isn't insect collecting more popular? Why aren't ordinary people collecting insects, talking about insects, and just generally supporting the insect collecting industry?

One of the problems is that insect collectors only like talking about insects with other people who are also insect collectors.

Another problem is the fact that, with all these new media, there are simply many more things one can do besides going insect collecting. Perhaps insect collecting needs to embrace these new media? Perhaps a weekly television show or even podcast about insect collecting?

And added to all this, insect collecting is difficult, and requires special knowledge.

I suppose it's just the fact that the vast majority of insect collections today just don't mean anything anymore.

Maybe we need a national insect collecting competition?

I know that we can make insect collecting popular again.

Perhaps if we had people writing about insect collecting, then that would make other people want to go insect collecting all the time? Imagine it! If we had entomologists analysing quality insect collections in the weekly paper — I mean really analysing them in an intelligent way — then perhaps this would give people an ideal entry-point into insect collecting.

Today, in insect collecting, very few entomologists take it upon themselves to examine the choices insect collectors make in their collections, and what effect those choices might have upon somebody looking at the collections. As a consequence, very few people love insect collecting. Many more might, if insect collectors attempted to truly engage with the materials of insect collection—insects—and to connect insect collections with a public based on an engagement with these materials (insects).

We cannot have great insect collections without people writing about great insect collections, so please, do your job.

Go and collect some goddamn insects.

Expand Your « Experience » – Chapter 28

Chapter 28 – Expressions of Regret Via Ventriloquism

Choose a favourite soft-toy. Carry it with you. (Bears, brightly coloured especially, will work, but more sincere creatures like rats or dragons are preferable). Allow the toy to adopt the role of saying «no» for you in various social situations : those in which it has often been necessary for you in the past to elaborate out a number of curlicued excuses. Useful phrases for the toy’s high-pitched expressions of regret may include : « I can’t tonight, I’ve got this big meeting tomorrow » and « I feel really tired ». Be sure to wiggle the toy back and forth so as to embody it with sufficient vox clamantis in deserto. This confers to the toy an illusion of the life of speech. Lastly, take your cue from animated films and make the toy speak with the imitated voice of a different ethnicity to your own.

Expand Your « Experience » – Chapter 67

Chapter 67 – Hiding

In spite of its obvious value as ontological experience as well as in « the definition of the self », hiding has unfortunately been looked over recently in favour of hurrying and talking. If you live with other people, or even with only one other person, you can practice hiding. Hiding in a frequently frequented room is the most satisfying. Do not announce to others you are practicing hiding. The smaller the space, the more challenging the hide : a 20 m2 studio is ideal. Do not overdo it on veils or coverings. Do not imitate animals. Imitate furniture. Do not imitate pieces of furniture much larger than yourself, such as a Louis XV dresser, or the room itself in which you are hiding. Leave scattered objects out in the given room so as to convey the impression that you were suddenly called away (a full spoon of coffee grains left next to a cup, for example, serves nicely). Think vertically.

Expand Your « Experience » – Chapter 41

Chapter 41 – Smiling

Smile in situations where you have never smiled before.

Smile . . .

• during sex
• when a colleague announces to you the death or illness of a person close to them
• as the silent replacement of a direct response when you are asked such questions as « Is this your coat ? » or « Do you have any brothers or sisters ? »
• while you cut out pictures from a gossip magazine in some civic space such as a bank or public toilet
• while swimming
• while fighting

Expand Your « Experience » – Chapter 94

Chapter 94 – Cutting

Cutting has the reputation of a violent act. Even the very mention of the word frightens people who are idiots anyway. Don’t worry about it. Cutting is an interesting and innocent past-time as long as one adopts the appropriate range of objects. Fruit is fun to cut, but is generally too unwieldy. Et mutatis mutandis. Try to find smaller fruits, or why not make your own ? It is a common superstition that cutters must own a knife. This is pure and simple highandmightynessism. It is not necessary to own a knife. Use your finger. Press down upon the chosen object with your finger until it divides itself. Certain objects require differing durations of force to time and mass for weight ratios. Some items for example may require as much as 8 to 9 hundred years of solid pressure. Remember : a good cutter always knows that he or she is not one among the immortals.

Expand Your « Experience » - Chapter 110

Chapter 110 – Avoiding The Positive/Negative Binary

This Experience is well-known, but continues to yield results. To conduct it, you need to entirely avoid saying the words Yes or No in any context for a full period of 24 hours. Articulated, semi-semiotic sounds such as « Uh-uh » ou « Na-uh » are also strictly verboten. Similarly, all movements of the head likely to be judged by a given receptor as indicative of or as containing any semantic capacity whatsoever (including twisting, bobbing, nodding, shaking, wobbling, etc.,) are out.

Concerning the Experience’s duration : nota bene, you must not sleep. The full 24 hour cycle is important. If at any point you break the cycle, do not continue the Experience. Wait a certain amount of time, try to recuperate, and then attempt the Experience again.

Please do note that this Experience is far more difficult than it seems. Take due caution. For this reason it is often useful, before undertaking the exercise, to memorize a substantial list of phrases. For instance, some of the most commonly recurring Positive Replacement Clauses are :

• I believe so.
• It certainly seems that way.
• It (sure) looks like it.
• Why not ?
• Certainly.
• If you are.
• True.
• Indeed (. . . I do, I will, I can, etc.)
• I certainly would.
• Do I ever.
• You don’t need to ask me twice.
• Why are you even asking.

Similarly, some commonly recurring Negative Replacement Clauses include :

• I don’t believe so.
• It seems not.
• That would be wrong (strange/inappropriate/bad, etc.)
• It’s not that exactly.
• How could you even think that ?
• Not my thing.
• I’m sorry.
• Right now I think I won’t.
• What are you going to do ?
• Basta.

We provide below a possible daily conversation to act as a brief experiential sample :

Acquaintance : Oh gosh, hello (Name)! What a surprise to find you at the (Place/Activity).
You : Indeed it is !
A : Are you here to see (Mutual Friend) ?
Y : That was my intention.
A : Cool because (Mutual Friend) is having a coffee now across the street.
Y : Really !
A : So listen do you have some time now ?
Y : It sure seems that way.
A : Okay so why don’t we go join (Gendered Pronoun of Mutual Friend) ?
Y : You don’t need to ask me twice.
A : Wait a second, have you seen my bag ?
Y : You had it here before.
A : You didn’t see what I did with it ?
Y : I’m sorry.
A : Oh no here it is ! It was on my arm the whole time ! I didn’t worry you did I ?
Y : Why are you even asking.